Drew, Erik, Tori, and Joshua find themselves in the street in front of the Sacred Grounds, watching someone who looks like Britta fighting six vampires.
Drew: This is going to go a lot faster than it did the first time.
GM: I don't believe this. Another 6.
Joshua: You brought Britta back from the dead. Are you really surprised you keep rolling 6, 6, 6?
GM: Tonight, the part of Graham Diehl will be played by Joshua
Joshua: From what I've heard you say about Graham, aren't I supposed to be dealing drugs on the side?
Sam: We never proved that.
Drew: She says the Order of Aurielius is in Solomon, searching for "the demon spawn." I'm pretty sure she means Drake.
Joshua: We'd better tell Erik.
Tori: No, we'd better tell someone who can do something about it. We'll tell Juanita first.
Joshua and Gwen are locked in an epic sword fight.
Joshua: Gwen has a date at Blaire's tomorrow night.
Drew: But you may still be fighting with her then.
Joshua: Remember the fight in Amber where it went on for days, and only stopped because one of them had a date?
Sam: Corwin and Bleys, on the stairs to Amber castle.
Joshua: How did you know that?
Sam: Look who I'm married to.
Gwen: I am a paladin. I am honor-bound to not let you breach this castle.
Joshua: Does that cover my friends who just went in the front door?
Gwen: Damnit!
Gwen: Lead the way, rogue.
Joshua: In honor of our new party member... I guess I'll look for traps.
Drew is fighting a reincarnated robot Kitty.
Drew: It's a good thing Sam's not here to see me cheating on her with another Slayer.
Drew: You know how I'm in love with all Slayers?
Kitty: (Grins maliciously) Yeah.
Drew: Not you. (Decapitates her.)
Kitty's Head: Well, this is awkward.
After Kitty has been properly disposed of...
Kitty's Head: (In Japanese) *#$%$# ... $%^#%# ... Get me out of this #$%$#%$ cabinet! ... @#$%$#!!!
Drew: So, you're saying that they're slayer vampire zombies? Because slayer vampires weren't enough?
Drew: I'm guarding the door.
GM: Good move. Some of the other guys were looking like they were thinking about slinking out while everybody was distracted.
Drew: Nobody slinks on my watch.
Graham: Hey there, hot stuff.
Tori: You have no idea.
Drew: Yeah, we've dealt with the Russians before. Last time we ended up with a surface-to-air missile.
Graham: You're arms dealers now? Sweet!
Drew: We should have sent Graham to Blaire's.
Tori: No, I wouldn't wish that on Blaire.
Drew: Tori, go get Graham.
Joshua: Collect him as roughly as you wish.
Tori: I shoot the mobster. (rolls dice) Damn. Eight.
GM: Okay, you hit Graham. In the ass.
Tori: I can't believe I missed.
Drew: "Missed." Yeah, you just keep telling us that.
Graham: You shot me, you psycho hose beast!
Graham: Hey! Someone help me! Hey! My ass!
Joshua: It's very disappointing how many things in this town are immune to bullets. What's the point of even carrying a big gun?
Sam: Overcompensation?
Joshua: Tori's car is cleaner than Sam's.
Drew: Hey!
Sam: Less camping gear.
Drew: Fewer weap...
Sam: I wouldn't say that.
Joshua: Better organized weapons.
Drew: I'll shoot, right between the eyes.
GM: Since the eyes are all that you can see, that's your only real shot.
Drew: (rolls dice) And I get it dead center between the eyes. Unfortunately, it's the eyes of two different creatures.
GM: You see two vampires menacing a couple.
Erik: Unhand that people... (pause) Those people. (pause) I'm out of practice.
Michael: You know, if he'd just asked us, we would have helped.
Erik: Yeah, we feel really bad about losing his amulet.
Joshua: Well, we did.
Everybody has been asked to tell the GM one thing they have loved and lost.
GM: You're lying in bed and you wake up, and your long-lost dog jumps up and starts licking you on your face.
Jacen: I should have said Sarah Peterson.
Erik: What's on the tombstone?
Joshua: Peperoni.
GM: Tori, you wake up. You feel good, although your ears tingle a little.
Drew: She's an elf.
Jacen: Strange things have been going on recently.
Mrs. Olgevy: Yes, strange things go on around here often.
Michael: But you're a teenager and this will pass.
Jacen: Mr. Saiyer is missing.
Mrs. Olgevy: Who?
Jacen: See!
Joshua: It's never been renovated.
Erik: Never been burned.
Joshua: That's what I meant by renovated.
Joshua: Do you want to go with the hot girl or do a little B&E?
Jacen: Wow. Hmm. Let's see. Hmm. Do I have a chance?
Tori: No.
Jacen: I'll do the B&E.
Erik: In the alternate universe I'm from, we're married.
Cora: What?
Juanita: I have no idea what he's talking about.
Erik: Wait, you two are...? That is so hot.
Drew: So Joshua turned Cora into a lesbian in this universe, too.
Jacen: There has got to be a universe where I end up with lesbians.
Joshua: Just so you know, you and I went on a date in my universe and it was a complete disaster and I'm sorry.
Drew: He trashed your car.
Joshua: Actually, it was the guys with machine guns at the art show who trashed it. We just hid behind it while they were shooting at us.
Marcy: We went to an art show?
6.5 Terra Tori
Terra Tori: Where is Dad, anyway?
Tori: That's another one of those complicated things.
Drew: He's in evil witness protection.
Terra Tori: I have lots to talk about with your mom.
Michael: You can show her your fashion portfolio.
Tori: I haven't developed that skill as much as you have.
Terra Tori: I can tell.
GM: You had dreams of high school. Horrible dreams of cliques and being unpopular.
Tori: Great, I had her dreams
Michael: Not necessarily.
Drew: Sounds like she was having my dreams.
Terra Tori: You really want to put Drew in a sidekick outfit?
Sam: Well, maybe not sidekick, exactly.
Terra Tori: How about we just get him real clothes that look nice?
Drew: The thing is, if the credit cards are identical between universes, Terra Tori will use hers and it'll draw off real Tori's account. But, if it's a Wolfram & Hart corporate card, it'll draw on her account back in her home universe.
Drew: Waiter, can I get some more ice water, please?
Terra Tori: I don't really rely on them.
Sam: That's good. Especially March; she's kind of wishy-washy.
GM: Terra Tori tries to create fire, can't, and her clothes catch on fire.
Drew: Hey, Tori. In this universe, when people burn their bras, they take them off first.
Drew hits Terra Tori with a trash can.
Michael: She's feeling a little grouchy right now.
Sam: Morn trick-or-treating.
Michael: Meow.
6.6 Gears to Ground
GM: You see a bug scurrying across the table and Drake's tongue shoots out like a frog's and grabs it.
Drew: I see he's eating solid food now.
Tori: So, you owe her one.
Michael: There was mutual oweage.
Sam: Ew.
Drew: I'm just not sure whether Juanita went there to save the world or conquer it.
Ada: That I don't know. But I definitely got the sense that she had things under control.
Drew: And yet, I'm not finding that reassuring.
GM: A wave of energy comes through and suddenly everything is clean and organized.
Drew: Whatever they were doing in Texas, I think they somehow just invoked the anti-Erik force.
Etta: Do you know how old I am?
Sam: I'd probably be a couple centuries off.
Etta: A couple centuries! I'll have you know, I am a mere ninety-five years old!
Etta: And you, Michael, entrapping me with your long, handsome...
Tori: He is a shapeshifter.
6.7 Working Stiff
Michael: If Joshua went out with someone with multiple personalities, would he be able to date the same girl twice?
Tori: No. They'd leave each other notes.
Slayer club meets two hot teenage girls.
Jace: I just killed a crap monster.
Tori: Technically, I just killed a crap monster.
Nan: You're so young and cool compared to these guys, Jace.
Halliday: You do things very differently than any Watcher, Mr. Saiyer.
Drew: He's actually helpful.
Halliday: It was not my intention to be condescending.
Michael: It just comes naturally.
Drew: He's had years of training.
Ada: Jonathan, can you finish playing superhero and come in here and make coffee?
Jace: I wonder what other super powers Monsoon has?
Sam: She can increase water pressure.
Jace: What does Elena look like through the camera?
Tori: What do I look like?
Jace: What does Tori's ass look like?
Michael: Do you really want to get into a pissing match of secret organizations?
Jace: Drew, can I borrow your car?
Drew: No. Technically, it's our car, but originally it was Sam's, and I want to live.
6.8 Science Faction
Severin: Behold the fnord goo!
Audience Member: Fnord goo?
Severin: We're working on a better name.
GM: Drew's mostly black and white, except for his fingers.
Jace: Drew has magic fingers.
Sam: I'll remain silent on that.
Carson: I shouldn't tick Tori off, should I?
Sam: Fortunately, that's pretty hard to do.
Jace: Actually, I find it pretty easy.
Jace: (Holds up a pen) You can't kill a vampire with a Bic.
Tori: (Flicks her ligher) I can.
Erik: If you can see magic, you'd be great in my alchemy classes.
Tori: Yeah, we could use an alchemist we can trust.
Sam: What does your housemate look like?
Carson: She's dressed in costume as something I've never heard of.
Carson: Vampires. Magic. I am so high right now.
Drew: You know, Soloman is a really dangerous place to get high. You should just say 'no'.
Tori: So, you're just here for the conference?
Jovian: Yes. Fascinating event. Have you tried shooting the pterodyctal?
Carson: Hellmouth? That means this is a bad place, right?
Tori: Often. Not always bad, but definitely strange.
Erik: It means the walls between dimensions are thin here.
Drew: And the neightbors are loud.
Jace can see magic.
Jace: Tori! Turn it down!
Tori: This is turned down.
Carson: So, can I kinda scoot past the people with the terrifying weapons?
6.9 Adventus
GM: There's a police car outside.
Carson: Uh oh.
Drew: That means it's safe now.
Sam: 'Drugs. PCP.' Does anybody even make PCP anymore?
Carson: I do.
Drew: We were not smoking dope.
Carson: Everybody who knows me and not you, will assume you're stoners.
Erik: Especially when they see the way Sam dresses.
Carson: You have yeti? I should have gone to UT.
Drew: Yeah, Texas isn't exactly yeti country.
Sophie: The obituary page was a bit large for a campus paper, but I thought it was just something in the water.
Pandora: What did the potion taste like?
Carson: Lemons.
Pandora: Cool.
Carson: And explosions.
Sam: The Order of Aurelius keep coming back. They're like toadstools or something.
Tori: Like vampiric gophers.
Erik: Drake! Where's Drake?
Drew: He knocked you out and ran off to Texas. Usually that doesn't happen until they're teenagers, but he's precocious.
Tori: He's not necessarily in Texas. He could be going to Texas. Or, worse, the Texas demon could be coming here.
Carrson: Not worse for Texas.
Sam: Your son knocked you out and went to the mall.
Drew: Tori! What have you been teaching that boy?
6.10 The Ghosts of Christmas Yet to Come
6.11 Web of Destiny
GM: The vampire's off balance from holding Carson, so he can't get much force behind his attack on Tori.
Carson: I'm contributing!
Carson: I'll surreptitiously slip PCP into the pockets of the courses.
Drew: That's going to blow the cops' minds. This will be the first PCP-related crime scene ever where they actually find PCP.
Jace: Is there a magical term for breakfast cereal.
Carson: I could make magic breakfast cereal...
Tori: We are not making magic breakfast cereal.
Tori: What is tha?
Erik: That's was previously Nine Inch Nails, but now it's Front 242.
Jace: Are you DJing?
Drew: Yes, he's DJing the crime scene.
Carson: I think the sheriff is absolutely right, this town has a PCP problem. Yetis on PCP.
Drew: We're concerned about moves to restrict guns here in Massachusetts.
George: Yes, fighting against the Massachusetts legislature has been a real ball-buster.
Jace: It would be easier if we had more guns.
Carson: Can I get blessed C4?
Erik: You can embed blessed ball bearings in it. A holy IED.
The Spider Queen has captured Drew and has mind controlled him into obeying her every command.
Spider Queen: Tell me everything.
Drew: I was born in Solomon General Hospital on March 15, 1975. Of course, I don't actually remember that part, but I have it on very good authority...
Drew: I'm a drooling GPS.
Spider Queen: Come in, Ms. Kessler. You can bring your minions.
Tori: Did she just call me a minion?
Jace: I am so not wiping my feet.
Spider Queen: Who are you people?
Carson: The Solomon Self-Defense Club?
GM: Erik stabs at her backside ineffectually.